Lyle's Page of Quips and Quotes

Dr. Evil Therapy Group Monologue

Air Force One Monologue
American History X Monologue
And Justice for All Monologue
Any Given Sunday Monologue
Armageddon Monologue
Chasing Amy Monologue
Dr. Evil Monologue (Edited)
Dr. Evil Therapy Group Monologue
Expletive Monologue
John Q Monologue
Signs Monologue
The American President Monologue
I can't believe they just said that...
Proverbs and Wise Words
Sports Quotes
The Truth and Nothing But....

This is the monologue from the first Austin Powers movie ( I think) where Dr. Evil and Scott are in a therapy group.  Dr. Evil begins telling everyone in the group about himself...

Dr. Evil: Very well, where should I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. A sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. If I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fifteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shaven scrotum. At the age of eighteen, I went off to evil medical school. From there...